Tess’ Final Monologue

Drama and Inquiry – 2000

I always loved the theater. In elementary school my teachers used to take us to see small town productions of Shakespeare in the park whenever it was showing near by. When I was ten, I saw my first Broadway show. That was it. I was hooked. I asked my mom if we could subscribe to a local theater, so for my 11^th birthday, we became season ticket holders at the Randolph Theater. I absolutely adored going to these shows. I felt so special and grown up. I thought I was very sophisticated “ going to the theatah!” I would get dressed up an feel very refined and chic. The next day at school, I’d be myself again, but on those theater nights, I was a princess! My one greatest wish was to one day star in one of those magical productions and make someone else feel the same way I did.

I got my chance in 8^th grade. My school was putting on Snow White and I seized the opportunity to try out for the lead. I spent a week preparing my lines and I knew as I delivered them, that I was acting beautifully. I was Snow White. When my classmates went out to vote between me and my best friend, I felt a little sad. I was so much better than she was. I felt awful taking the part from her.

When the jury reached a verdict and re-entered the room, the looks in their eyes told me the part was mine. Now it was time for their mouths to tell me. “Nora,” they said. “You did an excellent job.” I knew it, I thought! “But, you just aren’t pretty enough for the part of Snow White so we decided to give the part to Brenda.”

As if my fragile 8^th grade ego wasn’t damaged enough! I had a frozen smile on my face that I used to decline the role of the wicked step-mother they offered me as a consolation prize. I ran out of the room and headed straight for the bathroom. I wasn’t crying. I was just staring at myself in the mirror wondering what was wrong.

At first I was lamenting what I perceived to be horrible disfigurement. About an hour later, still staring at myself, I realized what the real problem was. Why was the deciding factor as to whether I got the role or not based on my looks and not my acting talent? I tried to remember the story of Snow White and realized that she was “the fairest of them all.” I wondered why for all these years people had been interpreting the word fair to mean beautiful? I also realized that of all things, the wicked step-mother was jealous of Snow White’s looks and nothing else. The battle between good and evil was synonymous with the battle between beauty and unattractiveness.

This was not a problem with my class. This was a problem with the world around me. I realized that long afternoon in the bathroom no matter what I did in my life, I would struggle with the fairy-tale stereotype of ugliness. And although I was feeling sorry for myself, I also felt sorry for all the pretty girls like Brenda. It must have been awful to hear that your acting wasn’t that good, but you get the part because you look good. Neither she nor I were judged fairly on our merits. We were both reduced to objects an evaluated on criteria that we couldn’t control.

So Brenda may have more boyfriends that I do. People may hold the door for her. She may bet better treatment and her life may seem to be more pleasant than mine. But I bet in the back of her head, where she can hardly feel it, there’s doubt in her mind. Does she have all of these things because she deserves it? because she earned it? or because she fits the role? Because she looks like Snow White who gets to live happily after, so it must be?

Anyway, the next play I saw was my last. After my epiphany, I just couldn’t watch that crap any more.