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Feedback On Culminating Essay #1Psy 370, F.92

 

This handout provides general feedback on the first culminating essay that supplements the comments I made on students' papers. Below are the categories and criteria that I used to evaluate the essays. These are identical to those I gave before the essay. The point totals are as follows: I.= 10, II.+= 8, II.= 7, II-= 6, III.= 4.

 

Category I: Sound and compelling response.    N=17

1. presents relevant evidence and support for ideas and generalizations

2. integrates material from various sources

3. explains ideas clearly and completely

4. well organized, coherent and focused

5. presents a forceful, convincing argument

 

Category II: Adequate response      N=22  (II+ =13, II=7, II-=2)

1. presents some relevant evidence and support but may have minor weakness in reasoning

2. most ideas are clear but some material is vague

3. organization is basically sound but  may be difficult to follow in some parts

4. uses material from various sources but may not be well integrated

5. overall argument is adequate but not forceful

 

Category III: Underdeveloped response  N= 0

1. lacks relevant evidence and support, relies extensively on opinion or personal experience.

2. does not integrate material from multiple sources

3. inaccurate information or misinterpretation of material

4. serious weakness in organization, incoherent, rambles, tangled, lacks focus

5. contains irrelevant material

6. Argument is seriously underdeveloped- reflects poor understanding of the material. The answer could be written by someone who did not read the material or participate in the course. 

 

These were a good group of essays. Several general strengths stand out. All of you relied on a good range of material as the basis for your responses. I was also impressed that all of you spoke in your own voice and not the authors' voices. By and large these essays indicate to me that you really thought about the material and developed your own views.

 

There were three major differences between category I and II responses:

1. Quality of reasoning- Many of you identified differences between the U.S. and Asia but did not completely explain how those factors affect educational quality. These was a key part of  the essay. Remember--an argument is not a description it's an explanation based upon evidence.

2. Coherence and focus- Some category II responses wandered away from the topic or lacked a clear focus. Often this happened within paragraphs (¶), which included too many separate ideas. It was hard to follow a line of reasoning.

3. Editorializing- Some of you took an opportunity to express an opinion about what the U.S. ought to be doing with education. Although you have good ideas, these were not relevant to the essay topic. Always remember to address the question asked.

 

There were two aspects of the essays that indicate some problems in the ways that I dealt with the material. These are my responsibility more than yours. First, I did not do a sufficient job of distinguishing cultural factors from other factors such as educational ones. Many of you identified differences between the U.S. and Asia that are not strictly cultural factors. So let me clear the air.

 

A cultural factor is a value, belief or behavior shared by most people in a culture. For example, beliefs about the nature of learning are cultural. Asians tend to believe that effort is most instrumental in determining learning achievement; Americans tend to believe that ability is also an important factor. This belief then leads to different ways of teaching (e.g., tracking vs. non-tracking) and different ways to view academic motivation (you can improve by trying vs. try something else because you don't have the ability) and so on. In contrast, the fact that in Japan children have numerous breaks during the school day is not a cultural factor. There may be cultural beliefs that lead Asians to organize the school day differently. But, "frequency of breaks" is not a cultural factor.

 

Another area of misconception is cultural homogeneity. Here again, I must have mislead you or failed to discuss this thoroughly. Many of you correctly cited cultural homogeneity as a factor that affects educational quality. However, the explanations of how homogeneity affects educational achievement were vague and incomplete. For instance, many of you said that racial and ethnic diversity creates problems in U.S. schools because teachers have to respond to so many different individual needs--whereas in Japan this is not a problem since there is little racial and ethnic diversity (Although Japan is quite homogeneous, China is a very diverse country). And, that's where the explanation stopped. Now, think about this. By implication this suggests that Asian children do not have individual needs!! I don't think you really want to claim that American children have needs and Asian children do not. In fact, remember that teachers in Asia are very concerned about the individual progress of students and are involved in efforts to meet "individual needs." There is another kind of stereotype about children in single-parent families that I detect in some of the essays. Many of you imply that two parents are better than one when it comes to fostering academic achievement--without explaining why this might be the case. In other words--you stopped before starting the argument. The critical factor is the extent to which a child receives appropriate support for academic work outside of school. This depends not just on how many parents are in the home but on parental attitudes towards learning and the resources available to help the child. Many Japanese families are, in effect, headed by one parent a significant amount of the time. Mothers have full responsibility for child care and rearing especially when fathers are away at work for extended periods. So you see, the issues are complex--and I suspect that we did not fully address these in class.

 

Summary. Overall, the essays were very good. I am impressed by what you learned and what you are able to say about the relationships between culture and school. I have tried to point out general strengths and areas that could be improved in the essays. I hope this provides a firmer foundation for the next essay. Good work--let's keep working to make it better.

 

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